There is a saying, “two steps forward and one step back” that gets used a lot and is always used in a negative way. But maybe it is not that bad. Maybe that step back is needed so that you don’t miss something, so that something is not left undone or forgotten along the way. Today I had caught up with all of the editing and lay outs of recent photo shoots and started scheduling and getting more photo shoots set up to keep moving forward with “the book.” But after doing all of that I took a step back, and not one that was negative or a bad thing; but a step back to look and see what has been started by Sarah but not yet finished.
See, Sarah had some photo shoots done before she passed away that had not been edited and put in the book, and they were locked away in her computer that was unlocked only a few months ago and pasted on to me from her (and my) brother. I had let them sit on my hard drive while I finished the photo shoots and editing of what I had already in the works and to be honest when I was ready to go back; to go back to memories of a much better time. So today with it being my day off and one that was not the best of weather I decided to start working backwards. To start the editing process of photo shoots Sarah had done.
It was like cracking open a vault; a vault with photos of days, times, and places that were the best of days and the brightest of day. I am not going to lie, I spend time just looking at these photos remembering every moment of those days, what we laugh about, what we talked about, the smiles we shared and the time we had with the different couples we got to spend time with. It was an amazing moment to have all of these images bring back so many different memories. Then I just sat there at my small desk with my old laptop marveling at how incredible her photography was. How she had this unique eye for her art. I sat longer wondering how I could even edit these photos, how could I even pick and choose what would make it in the book and what would not. I did not know how I could do it. So like always when I’m stuck I make a cup of coffee, think about Sarah and what she would have said, done and wanted; took a deep breath and start.
So today I started working backwards. And it’s a good thing. No, it’s a great thing! It is a reminder of why I am doing this; it’s a reminder of how excited she was for this project, how excited I was for her. It’s a great way to remember Sarah and all of these amazing adventures we had and all of the wonderful people I have gotten to know on the way to finishing this book and the many more people I will get to meet and spend time with while finishing this book.
I am so excited for you all to see this book, these fantastic photographs Sarah took and for you all to share in the excitement and love that Sarah and I felt while making it. The road to finishing is still extremely long, but one worth traveling.
Thank you for reading.
It was another gloomy Michigan winter day, one that allowed for the sun to peek through the clouds here and there while it was snowing. For me it was a perfect day to stay in and drink some tea while I worked on “the book”.
Today, I just had a few more photos to finish editing, which seemed to go faster today then normally. Maybe because there were only a few or I just knew how Sarah would have wanted them to look. Still editing all of the photos is not the only challenge, but the picking and choosing of which ones will make it in the book. For example this shoot I took over 200 pictures; then from there I looked at all 200 or so pictures to find the ones that I know Sarah would have picked that she felt were good, which for this shoot were 30 to 40 pictures. While picking out all the good ones I write them down on a large white board and write the photo number and if it’s ok, good, or great next to them. Then Start editing.
But today I had finished all of the above, all the looking, choosing, editing, to now figure out which of all of these photos would make the book, which really means out of the some 30 or 40 pictures I spent days editing I would only pick between 4 or 8 to make it in the book. It’s like a competition or reality show were only a few will win after so many having gone through all of the stages. Still that was today and part of my evening. Picking only a select few that I know Sarah would want to be in the book. Still today was different, I normally know during the editing process which photos will make it in the book, but today I was fighting to figure out which ones! When I get this way I always find myself looking through the book thinking about Sarah, about what she loved, how she viewed everything, which ones she would be blunt and say no to and which one she would say were her best shots. It’s a hard thing to do; looking through the book and having all of the memories come flying back at you and then having the anxiety kicking in with thoughts that second guesses a lot of decisions. But in a way it’s a good thing, it’s the best way to ensure that everything that is being done is how Sarah would have wanted it and how she would have done it and that I am just an extension of her.
After spending time thinking about Sarah, about the purpose of this Book, and which photos would be the ones She would have picked, I finally put together another part of the book that I hope and somewhat know for a fact that Sarah would love these new pages to “the Book”.
So even though it still hurts and is still somewhat painful to look back at all the memories and adventures on these photos shoots, I think it’s a positive thing. It has been allowing me to move forward on the right foot with this project and in the healing process.
Thank you for reading. This is far from finished, so let the adventure continue on.
Here are some thoughts I had typed up from last Saturday, which is an attempt to get people caught up, but I have a feeling we will just start from here.
It’s another Saturday; another day off from the normal work schedule and demand of the week, so I find myself continuing the editing process for the book, which has become somewhat challenging today. This will be the sixth photo shoot I will be editing for the book and this one more than the others has been difficult. I think mainly because of my desire for every photo to be perfect, for it to be worth being in this book and the want for that internal approval, that knowledge of knowing that every photo edited She would have approved of.
I guess the key to this struggle is time. The need to understand that something great does not come quick but takes time and effort, something she taught me in every aspect of Her life. So today is a day to walk and not run. Because when we run we miss things, we don’t get to experience things because everything is moving by too fast.
So today, I walk. Not mall work, not power walk, or jog; just walk and not just during editing but for the rest of the day, maybe week, or even this month. Because too much is missed in our “busy” lives, so walk don’t run.
This week we start the lent season and my amazing brother and sister invited me over for dinner for Ash Wednesday. It is always good to spend time with them and catch up on what is going on in our lives. After talking about “The Book” (which we all have come to call it as of right now), Jim asked to see it since no one in the family has seen it but myself. So the three of us gathered around the computer and looked through the pages that have been completed. It was great to have them look to see where the book is as of right now. But after telling them of the process of just one photo shoot and editing and getting it ready to be in the book, they both encourage me to think about documenting the process of finishing the book.
I have been thinking about it now for a few days now, if I should share about the process, labor, good times, and hard moments of finishing this book. I have personally be writing about the day to day process and keeping an ongoing journal about all the shoots and time spent editing.
So maybe this is a good idea to shows others that her work has not just ended, but is being finished, that her love and dedication for this book will be shown one day, and that even though she is not here physically, her work can still be a reminder of who she was and how she lived. And my hope in finishing this book is just that. I just hope that others will get to see it and be inspired and remember her for everything she was and more.