Deep In My Soul, Light over Dark

5-25-13

                I feel bad that I don’t spend more time writing and keeping up on post and what is going on in the process of finishing “the book” more regularly. Still the process of this book is filled with a lot of down time, hours spend in front of this old laptop, scheduling shoots, and connecting with people on creative date ideas. I kind of think that people don’t want to hear about these simple moments and leg work that is going on. But then again it’s a part of the process and there are so many incredible moments that happen when I am just working alone. There are moments while working on the book I wish others could experience the feelings and moments I get to have. But I think that this site is that way for people to stay connect to this project and Sarah’s dream, and everything that will and has come out of it.

It’s the emotions of making and working on this book that I want to convey to people. It’s all of these feelings that I get to feel and have to face while making this book that are so monumental. All of the ups and downs that make every moment perfect, scary, upsetting, and beautiful; that I hope people will get to hear about and understand. I am really writing today to tell you about how editing is going. I am still working on editing the photo shoot that took me out to Owosso. And let me tell you it’s moments like these I need, I hope for, and I am thankful for. While sitting and finishing the last few photos I was smiling! Excited! And having an overwhelming excitement as I can see this book still coming to life. Not because of how happy I am with how the photos have come out, but because they caught moments that beautiful and meaningful. They are just another reason of why this book will be special. It’s these moments I wish I could share will everyone. This internal joyfulness and excitement; the feelings you get when your heart flutters and you could almost cry because you know deep down in your soul that it is well; It’s almost the same feeling I had when I fell in love with Sarah; and it’s that understanding of how little I am in the wake of how big and meaningful this book and dream really is.

I want to tell you that everyday editing is like this. The overwhelming of emotions of joyfulness, but in reality it is not. The ups and downs of emotions come quick. The downward emotions may come more, but when there are these uplifting moments I want you to know about them, because of how fantastic they are and how they truly out weight the downs. And I think that not only while working on this book, but also in life, even with all of the dark and downward emotions we feel, that we need them to enjoy the light and better side of life. We need the dark to prove the light. We need sadness to make happiness have more of an importance.

Thank you for reading, and sorry if this seem more of a rambling. But I found myself caught in a moment that I want people to know about, to maybe even feel with me. Still I hope today that you see the good, and feel a deeper happiness and peace within your soul, so that in the dark moments you know what good is really out there.

The actions and craziness of love and Loving.

5-8-13

                It feels like it’s been forever since I have really have sat down and worked on “The Book.” I have had only two shoots done for spring which is good and I have been working with other couples to get a time nailed down for more shoots that will be exciting, amazing, and very creative just how Sarah would like it to be. Still just yesterday I started looking through the photos of the last two shoot that need to be edited. They all look great and I am excited for them to fill more pages of this book. I started editing the first of many photo shoots for spring and it was mind numbing; sitting here looking through photos, drinking a few cups of coffee and really trying to see what needs to be done and what is perfect for the book. I know. That nothing will be perfect and there will always be something else that I will miss, but I want to be perfect, perfect for me, for Sarah, for the vision we had planned which seems so long ago. I just want it to be right. As I sat at my desk looking at the white board at all that needed to be done editing I remembered that I have not just sat here and looked at the book.

editing photo

I have not just looked to see what has been done, and looked back. I think that is something I am missing. We or maybe just me are always looking ahead at what is next and we rarely look back to see what has been down. You know, that moment when you did something amazing and you step back and enjoy it before you move on? Well that is what I needed! So I stopped editing. I open the file that has the book lay out and enjoyed it. I sat with a cup of coffee and enjoyed the book as if I just bought it and seen it for the first time. And let me tell you it was great; maybe more for me because I have lived every page of it and seen all of the pictures in real life. But it was spectacular.

I once heard someone say, “I guess in the end, you start thinking about the beginning.” I am not near the end or close to finishing this book, but I am much closer then when I started. Still I can start seeing the end in some ways, how it will look, read, feel, smell. Ok maybe not smell. But its seems real that the finishing of the book is on its way and looking back just shows how long this road has been and still kind of is.

I have been reading this book call “Love Does” by Bob Goff. Which is amazing! Sarah had always wanted us to read it together and she gave me a hard time when I meet the guy and thought he was amazing but still was not sure about his book. Still I started reading it a few weeks ago while taking a break from editing and working on other things. It is a book about different short, funny, and goofy stories about love in action. You read them and think how goofy this guy is and these stories don’t seem to be real but they are! I feel like we all have these love does moments and that “The Date Book” is one of them. For me it is doing whatever it takes for this book to be finished for the woman I love. For others it going on a crazy adventure with me and letting me take pictures because of their love for Sarah, me, and this project; And for others it’s the endless support in helping and loving me while I finish this.

love does photo           So I guess in the end it’s not just about a camera, amazing dates, and a book. It is so much more. It is also about the love Sarah had for a friend to make this book for him, the love I have for her to finish it when it is hard and seems impossible, it’s also about the love others have for us and the support of the book. It’s because of love that this book is happening and that to me is amazing. Because that is what Sarah was all about, letting love be an action to do something amazing, instead of just a word.