I don’t normally write at night or work on the book. I try to use the
Evenings to spend time with friends and family. To relax from work and let my mind rest since to seems to wonder so much. Still tonight it’s different it seems quieter at the house. Only the tea kettle is making noise as I fix a cup to drink as I think of what’s next for the book. See we are getting closer and closer everyday to not just finishing but to the Fall season. One that scares me the most out of everything. Why? Because it was the one season we, Sarah and I loved the most. It was the one season she and I were excited to shoot, create and make memories during. That’s why I am scared of it, there is this pressure I feel to make it as amazing and perfect as we had planned a year ago. There is this need for it to be exactly as we dreamed it to be. And sadly that dream I need to make come true without her, with out Sarah.
I was a person that loved the word hope, I loved its uplifting and undefined nature that when someone hope for something that it surly needed to come true. But then in my darkest days the word hope was seen as a lie to help hide the fact that what we had hoped for may never come true. I guess when it comes to it, it’s how you look at it. Even in the ugliest picture you can find beauty and in the most beautiful picture you can find imperfections. It’s how you want to see it.
So as we quickly reach the last season I need to capture, the season that I have felt the most weight from I hope that it is one of great adventure and beauty. One that will make Sarah proud of. A season that come with change in the best of ways as we all watch the leaves lose their green color for something much more beautiful. I am hoping for many thing in a positive way and hope that it won’t be taken in the wrong direction.
I guess, I am just hopeful.
Thanks you reading. Thanks for hoping. Thanks for believing.
It has been a while since I have written and worked on The Book since the photo shoot in Grand Rapids. But I am happy to tell you that the first shoot of Grand Rapids has finished the editing phase and I am now working on laying it out in the book and editing the next two shoots. On a more personal note, one that I have been hesitating to write about, but feel that it is something somewhat up lifting. So I have talked myself into sharing this personal detail. See When Sarah started the book I was only allowed to see parts of it. A few photos here and there, still we would talk about the book often and in details (another reason I felt that I could take this on after her passing). For her keeping the book somewhat quite was important so that it would be unveiled when it was finished. I planned to keep it that way and I have. Not even my own family has really seen the book yet. Still while working on the book I have been keeping Sarah’s family aware of all the shoots, dates, and places I have been. After the trip to Grand Rapids I felt it was a good time to show Sarah’s parents the books as it is as of right now. The unedited and raw version it is in and what is what they go to see. I won’t go into much details because I am one that loves privacy, but They simply looked at it and said they loved it. A statement that I feel has helped refuel me to keep going. That simple sentence that approved of what was taking place, what has been in the works for so long, and what is to come.
As we talked about the book, the statement was made wondering how I was able to do all of this. How have I been able to keep working on this project? My answer…”I don’t know. I am just doing it” I even ask myself why? Why am I doing this? I have been thinking about these questions, before they were asked and long after they were make verbal. I still kind of don’t know. I know it is out of love. It’s out of making this dream of Sarah’s become relativity. It’s because I’m not sure what else to do. So much as been left undone, because of that tragic day and this is one thing that does not have to end; that’s why I am still working on it. She has so much amazing work that I want the world to see! That’s another reason why. I guess add that to the list. It’s funny as I keep working, those question keep being answered with so many different reasons. But the first answer to all of this is love and everything else after that is extra.
So what’s coming up? What is next? Well I have a few more shoots this summer and then the big one comes. Fall! So I am editing, laying out the pages and gearing up. I have some time off coming up and I think I may just get away and editing and work on the book. Still who knows where this is taking me or where this will lead. But we all will find out when we get to fin.