The year is about to come to an end, but even with the new year just hours away the dream of what is to come for “the book” and life after is still being worked out, figured out and plans are being made.
It’s been an exciting few days of working on the book. First the big news something that seems small and simple but something I have been working up to is the hand off. The other day I exported all the edited photos and lay outs on to a hard drive and passed it on to my brother (Sarah’s oldest brother) who in my eyes is an amazing graphic designer. I can not wait to see how he makes this book that much better because of his talent! Still even though I have passed on the book to him I am still working on finishing some edits and photo shoots. Nothing to crazy, just simple shoots that Sarah wanted to help fill out the book.
Editing has been going very well. Its been amazing to see the shoots come together through all the editing and page lay outs. While editing I went back and started on some photo shoots that Sarah had done that have not been worked on yet. To be honest it scares me to work on them, to go back and see a moment in time where life was so different, where we would have never believed this is how life would have turned out. On top of that working, editing, and picking out the photos that will make the book can feel overwhelming, because to me everything she did was amazing and to change or say something can make it in the book is hard. But that can not hold me back. If you look at the past year of me working on this book it has been filled with so many different challenges that has pushed me, toughen me, brought on some amazing moments, and even moments that I thought would have broken me down completely. Still with all that I open those files found amazing photos and was able to add these photos to the book.
The odd part to all of this is that the couple never signed a photo release form and well I made a promise that I would have every couple sign one while working on this book. So after finishing I spent hours looking through Sarah’s Facebook friends to see if I could find one of them. I was so unsure of the girls name, I was pretty sure but did not want to make a mistake by messaging the wrong person. Still I found her, sent a message out with no real idea how it would be taken or even if I would get a reply. Its been so long since then that I was unsure if it would even make it in the book. Then I got a reply back! So excited to hear from them and that they are still willing to be in the book.
The year is about to end. It has had it’s up’s and down’s like most years but for me it’s a different kind of up’s and downs then for many. Still for the book, this has been a great way to end the year while working on it. When 2014 starts it holds the excitment that the book will be finished, that Fin will be found in this new year and that we can all will celebrate Sarah’s work, and her life.
Happy New Years Eve to you all. With a new year comes new adventures and the coming of Fin.
It feels like it’s been an extremely long time since I have worked on “the Book.” Still today I sat down and worked. Worked hard and with great attention on what I am doing. Which is good and all till I got in my own way. It feels like I have not worked on “the book” in some time and as I finished another edit and started laying the pages for that shoot in the book is when I started to overthink, over analyst, and start to worry that what I have done and was doing was not good enough. In a moment I was freaking out over which pictures would make it in to the book and then the next all I could do was wonder if my work has been good enough to finish this book.
It’s like learning how to ride a bike, your training wheels are off and your dad is no longer holding on and you are rolling along fine till you lose your balance, you panic because you don’t know what to do to fix it, and then you fall; you sit up and look at your scratches wondering if you were even able to ride your bike with out any help. But that is when you have two choices, you put that bike in the garage for the summer or you learn from that fall and remember everything you learned while the training wheels were on.
Now I’m not saying I am putting the bike in the garage or not going to finish this book, because I am and I am going to do it with everything I have left in me. But I learned that when these thoughts known as doubt creep in I go back to what I have learned from Sarah. Some days its hard to look back, because in what I have learned from her is also mixed in with the pain of losing her, but if I don’t look back, if I don’t remember why I am doing this, or why this is so important then I have lost so much more, and we all have lost enough. It’s amazing how in my frustrations I try to give myself a peep talk, or try to find something that shines light on to these moments that make me think that my work is in vain and in that moment I remember something I just read the other day. This amazing random quote that read…“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up”
And that is it. Simply put, that I shall not give up. Because I have hope in what I am doing, what we are all doing. I have hope that this book will be more and mean more then what it was intended to be. That it will make a difference and in that difference we all will be able to remember what Sarah stood for, who she was, and how much love she had for all of us.
Thanks you so much for reading, for support and for loving Sarah and for loving me. It’s one of the things that has helped through this adventure of working towards fin.
Have you ever built a fire? It’s kind of an amazing thing, you watch different things come together to produce something beautiful. But with building a fire there is the risk of it going out, not catching, or getting burned by it. In some way this project has felt like that experience. See you start with the kindling to start the fire, which catches quickly and in itself is the fire, which is like the needing to finish this book. It caught me quick and started something. But kindling does not keep a fire going nor does the need to do something. You need a smaller logs and wood to keep it light and get the fire going so that it will last. Just like the need to get a camera and people to take part in this adventure. Once that catches that’s when the big logs or large wood is added to the fire and that’s when it’s at its brightest and hottest. Like when I started to travel across the state, meet some amazing people and get photographs that have found their way in to this book. Still a fire cannot last on a few logs or pieces of wood. It needs to be tended to and have wood added so that it can last and not go out.
As we have arrived in the winter season there are still things to be worked out, worked on and the need of more wood so that this fire does not go out. It has been very hard lately to work on the book with this crazy holiday season. Still it’s in the quite moments of the day that I have been working and thinking of how Sarah would have gone about this book. How she would have created, worked through a night to get everything just right, I think about how hard of a worker she was. Which adds another log to the fire for me; how I need to follow that example of being a hard worker. Not just with this book but in life. She understood how hard work and time is needed to make anything beautiful and worthwhile. For me I feel as if the fire is slowly dying and I need to add more to it to keep it going. It’s been amazing, brilliant, and beautiful fire so far and it’s far from dying out. It just needs more time and work to ensure that it is something worth wild. Because her art was, her talent was, and she was worthwhile.
Thanks you for reading, for listening, and for helping this to be worthwhile. Soon we will see what fin has to hold. But, before that there is some exciting news on it way that I hope to share soon.